lDear blog,
Today I do not have any topic to talk about instead I have something to share just because I couldn't keep it in. The best part about telling you things is that you don't answer neither question. You keep my things tightly tucked in a 1.
I trust you :!
All the way from nursery making elephant puzzles I have landed up on a forest, I don't know what exactly it is but i am not familiar with it. I have forgotten to fly. This forest has hundreds of tall trees that I probably can not pen down. Huge dark holes in the ground, more like air-holes, they keep on pulling me down, down and under the ground. Am I lost? "No you haven't, you are just scared to move on" my inner soul tells me. What do I do? Please don't ask I am on a struggle of life. Make myself believe that what I have photoshopped in my mind is not a forest, its the real world, Its Earth!
I never ever wanted to grow up and that's the real thing inside me, bothering me. I never wanted to see my own nation in bloodshed, to learn the real meaning of 'good people', to know myself. But sometimes the thing that bothers me more is why god sent me on this planet?, its all a chaos now. Can I backspace my life and be in a cradle again? "No you can't, you are just trying to escape from future" my inner soul tells me.
This isn't the world of my dreams, its cruel, hungry, unbelievable, unexpected and still the greatest habitat for humans. Not for me. A habitat has food, shelter, protection and mates perhaps I do not have the whole package. Things seem so different now, its not the same puzzle making homework it has grown tougher now. There is a feeling rising in me, a feeling of not facing tomorrow. The feeling that everybody has on the first day of school.
I was just thinking how I landed up on Mars, I meant how I grew and came to know 'Dunya'. The haunting truth of Earth: Nobody gets out so easily! Now my inner soul tells me now: Pre-nursery lied to you, Earth isn't the same as making elephant puzzles its about fixing and joining the pieces of your future puzzle. I am so not worth anything.
When I was in Play-group, I wanted to be in next higher grades like the big girls and boys around, but now when I am that girl I wanted to be I long to be the same two pony girl with a barbie, trolley bag!
So the main objective I wanted to share with you blog was how I thought I had landed on Earth but in reality on Mars!
But then sometimes why do I feel like I am living in a cage not a castle? In Mars not Earth? In a spider web with no presence in the world? Why do I feel there is x ahead? I feel everybody has silent files within the loud actions they pose. I am sorry I know its mad to share something more like a riddle but it just happened, I didn't find anyone suitable or maybe Mr.blog you have started to be a bit more nicer to me! I still have that feeling of a nursery child at his first day of school, missing holidays, sobbing inside (not that much) , and and and saying ''mama kay paas jana hai''. Zalim zamana!
When I see some other bubbles sometimes I feel there life is perfect mine is not! And sometimes, they have got even a hard time than mine, they have disability even a bigger problem and I am crying for this, for this little one! Sorry again my fingers just went on I know I shouldn't share it with you blog but how insane of me I did. I actually did. Riddled it and didn't told you the problem. In short Summary Once upon a time, I was a person who’d talk to anyone, unafraid – but insecurity and fear of not pleasing people has crept in and grown into this nasty, thorny weed, often crowding out the desire to be bold. Fear often trips up any desire!
I hate Dunya-its confusing, barely understandable! Like old ragged newspapers, hollow closed boxes and silent files, thats where I lie. I know. If only Allah changes this, if only my opinion goes wrong and IF only he helps me be loud and not lie in silent files where even laughter is numb. Huh! I thank him, I don't know how.
He has always been there, listened my prayers. I have no words to thank him. Allah is the only hope and happiness of something good ahead that is going to happen, in my mind! What I think is that where ever Allah is putting you there must be something or the other better for you.
So bubble mates when ever you feel tangled up and that you are all messed up/caged always think of he who created you, he who sent you, he who gave you life and the little bounties. What ever he'll do, it would be better for you. And only he knows why you belong here. Why only you?
Yours (careless)
Bubble mate.
Today I do not have any topic to talk about instead I have something to share just because I couldn't keep it in. The best part about telling you things is that you don't answer neither question. You keep my things tightly tucked in a 1.
I trust you :!
All the way from nursery making elephant puzzles I have landed up on a forest, I don't know what exactly it is but i am not familiar with it. I have forgotten to fly. This forest has hundreds of tall trees that I probably can not pen down. Huge dark holes in the ground, more like air-holes, they keep on pulling me down, down and under the ground. Am I lost? "No you haven't, you are just scared to move on" my inner soul tells me. What do I do? Please don't ask I am on a struggle of life. Make myself believe that what I have photoshopped in my mind is not a forest, its the real world, Its Earth!
I never ever wanted to grow up and that's the real thing inside me, bothering me. I never wanted to see my own nation in bloodshed, to learn the real meaning of 'good people', to know myself. But sometimes the thing that bothers me more is why god sent me on this planet?, its all a chaos now. Can I backspace my life and be in a cradle again? "No you can't, you are just trying to escape from future" my inner soul tells me.
This isn't the world of my dreams, its cruel, hungry, unbelievable, unexpected and still the greatest habitat for humans. Not for me. A habitat has food, shelter, protection and mates perhaps I do not have the whole package. Things seem so different now, its not the same puzzle making homework it has grown tougher now. There is a feeling rising in me, a feeling of not facing tomorrow. The feeling that everybody has on the first day of school.
I was just thinking how I landed up on Mars, I meant how I grew and came to know 'Dunya'. The haunting truth of Earth: Nobody gets out so easily! Now my inner soul tells me now: Pre-nursery lied to you, Earth isn't the same as making elephant puzzles its about fixing and joining the pieces of your future puzzle. I am so not worth anything.
When I was in Play-group, I wanted to be in next higher grades like the big girls and boys around, but now when I am that girl I wanted to be I long to be the same two pony girl with a barbie, trolley bag!
So the main objective I wanted to share with you blog was how I thought I had landed on Earth but in reality on Mars!
But then sometimes why do I feel like I am living in a cage not a castle? In Mars not Earth? In a spider web with no presence in the world? Why do I feel there is x ahead? I feel everybody has silent files within the loud actions they pose. I am sorry I know its mad to share something more like a riddle but it just happened, I didn't find anyone suitable or maybe Mr.blog you have started to be a bit more nicer to me! I still have that feeling of a nursery child at his first day of school, missing holidays, sobbing inside (not that much) , and and and saying ''mama kay paas jana hai''. Zalim zamana!
When I see some other bubbles sometimes I feel there life is perfect mine is not! And sometimes, they have got even a hard time than mine, they have disability even a bigger problem and I am crying for this, for this little one! Sorry again my fingers just went on I know I shouldn't share it with you blog but how insane of me I did. I actually did. Riddled it and didn't told you the problem. In short Summary Once upon a time, I was a person who’d talk to anyone, unafraid – but insecurity and fear of not pleasing people has crept in and grown into this nasty, thorny weed, often crowding out the desire to be bold. Fear often trips up any desire!
I hate Dunya-its confusing, barely understandable! Like old ragged newspapers, hollow closed boxes and silent files, thats where I lie. I know. If only Allah changes this, if only my opinion goes wrong and IF only he helps me be loud and not lie in silent files where even laughter is numb. Huh! I thank him, I don't know how.
He has always been there, listened my prayers. I have no words to thank him. Allah is the only hope and happiness of something good ahead that is going to happen, in my mind! What I think is that where ever Allah is putting you there must be something or the other better for you.
- So go where he takes you, but oh yes watch the path!
So bubble mates when ever you feel tangled up and that you are all messed up/caged always think of he who created you, he who sent you, he who gave you life and the little bounties. What ever he'll do, it would be better for you. And only he knows why you belong here. Why only you?
Yours (careless)
Bubble mate.
Ayesha Riaz
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